Monday, December 27, 2010

when i said i do, i really meant i will.

Obviously, standing in front of 500+ people in a white dress, holding  Marty's hands, looking him in the eye and saying, "I do" was a big deal. Those were two little words packed with some BIG meaning.

When we both looked each other in the eye and in front of our family and friends promised that we do and will love each other until "death do us part", we were saying so much more than just, "I do." We were also saying, "I will."

At the time, I wasn't totally sure what exactly this "will" would consist of, but I was sure that whatever it is, whatever marriage requires of me, whatever Marty needs from me, I will. And he was proclaiming the same.

5 months later, we are starting to see a little more of what "I will..." means.

When I said I do, I really meant I will...
-use my savings from the last 4 years to pay off your debt.
-wear a shirt I hate just because I know you like it.
-eat chick-fil-a for the 50th time this week just because you're craving it.
-watch your stupid guy movies and at least try to act like I'm interested.
-spend 30 minutes staring at the exact same shirt while you try to decide which color to buy.
-turn down guy time just to spend a little more time with you.
-take 400 pictures every time there's a holiday or an event and look happy and loving in each of them.
-try really hard to appreciate and like your art, even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at.
-turn off the kind of music that annoys you when you get in the car.
-still hug you and tell you to "have a good day" as you leave for work, even though you've made me so mad that morning.
-call you in the middle of the day just to see how you're doing.
-humiliate myself by shopping in the mens' underwear department for you.
-just remain silent and offer chocolate when you're being hormonal.
-drive around for 45 minutes before finding a place to eat because you can't decide on anything.
-kiss you even though your breath be stinkin!
-become the ultimate bug exterminator.
-put my dishes in the dishwasher, not just in the sink, because I know that drives you insane.
-change shoes because you don't like the ones I have on, even though I love them.
-listen to you tell the same stories over and over every time we drive down the road to your parents' house.
-give you your space in the mornings.
-randomly buy a gallon of chocolate ice cream just because I know it's your favorite.
-let you vent and not judge you for it.
-eat plain pizza every time because that's what you like, even though I want the supreme.
-try to learn how to cook so you can have a good meal every now and then.
-watch a football game for the 300th time this month.
-spend my day off cleaning the whole house for you.
-spend our first Christmas evening by your side as you throw up every 10 minutes for 6 hours straight.
-and hold your hair back the whole time as you do it.
-then clean it up, every time.
-and still choose to lay down beside you and rub your back as you lay in misery.
-and spend the whole night in the ER.

There are so many more things I could add to that list. But I'll let this small list represent a LOT of "I will..." moments that we have both lived out since July 31, 2010. These are the kinds of things that nobody can warn you or tell you about in advance. They are the things you never really see coming until you're in the moment. But they're the things you have to just be willing to do, to give up, to accept when the time comes. When you say "I do," it's so important to understand that you're also saying, "I will."

If you won't, then don't.

Because sometimes your first Christmas will look like this...

But other times, it may look a little more like this...

I remember laying there on the bed, going through my second bag of IV fluids. It was close to 4:00 a.m. at that point and I turned over and looked at Marty, who was sitting in the chair doing everything he could to stay awake, and I laughed and said, "Merry first Christmas!" We both just laughed our sleepy laughs. It may not have been exactly how we planned, but it was still so wonderful. I wouldn't want to spend my night throwing up with anyone but him!



Jordan said...

I hope you're feeling better! :-)

Kati @ "along for the ryde..." said...

This was SUCH a great post! Thanks for sharing! So sorry to hear about your sickness, but a great post came about from it! :P

HaleeBurch said...

I am so sorry that you spent your first Christmas... or anytime at all for that matter in the ER... That sounds awful! But I am glad Marty is such a great guy to stay with you and take care of you.
I loved your list... how true it rings!