Sunday, January 2, 2011

mexican food... sin...

For lunch today, I ate Mexican food.

I hate Mexican food.

Going to eat Mexican food is the same experience. Every time. It goes a little something like this:

I walk into the restaurant, very naive, expecting this time to be different. I get myself all pumped up, saying things like, "This will be good. This place is better than the last. Just order something simple. You'll like it this time." I don't know why I do that. Because what follows is ALWAYS the same.

We sit down with a group of friends or family (because that's the ONLY time I eat Mexican) and start munching on the complimentary chips and salsa. Now, I love me some chips and salsa. So this part is good. And it lures me in. It tricks me. It makes me momentarily forget the agony that is to come.

So what do I do next? I look at the menu. For a second I think, "I should just order some chicken fingers. I know how Mexican food makes me feel."

But do I? No. Why? Because I'm at a Mexican restaurant. I should order something Mexican. Just keep it simple... nothing extreme... it won't be bad. So it's usually chicken fajitas. Or just one or two tacos. That's it. Surely that won't be bad. I can handle that. Okay, I'm getting that.

We talk for a while, food comes. I hate the taste. I try to be very polite as everyone else engulfs their long-awaited plate of nasty. I eat enough just enough to say that I ate, and that's it.

I leave the place with a disgusting feeling in my stomach and a very strong smell on my clothes. The rest of the day I smell like dirty tacos and I feel like I have just eaten a plate of trash.

It never actually makes me sick, but it makes me feel MISERABLE. I feel so disgusting the entire day.

So why do I eat it each time? The same reason I ate it today: that's where everyone was going. I want to go eat with everyone. I enjoy the fellowship. I don't want to eat lunch alone. Everyone else is doing it and it's so hard not to join in!

This afternoon I was sitting on my couch feeling miserable after eating this and I got to thinking...

I treat Mexican food a lot like I treat some sin in my life.

I know I hate it.
I know it will make me feel miserable.
I know it will tear me up inside.
I know I will regret it for a LONG time.
I don't WANT to have anything to do with it.
But I do.
Because everyone's doing it.
Because I don't want to sit this one out.
Because it's so hard not to when I'm surrounded by it.
Because, for some stupid reason, I think it'll be different this time.
Because I try to justify it and tell myself it's ok this time.

Things like gossip... watching movies I know I shouldn't watch... talking about people in ways I shouldn't... laughing at things I shouldn't laugh at... these things take on the Mexican food form in my life so often. By myself, I never struggle with them.

I would NEVER go eat Mexican food alone, and I would never choose to watch a degrading movie alone.

But in a group setting, it's so hard to go against the grain. It's so hard to say no. It's so hard choose to sit out. So I go. I try to justify it in my mind. I talk myself into it.

And then I'm miserable. Every time.

Proverbs 26:11 says this,
"As a dog who returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly." 

The thought of a dog returning to eat its own vomit is disgusting. It reminds me a lot of myself returning to Mexican food. Might as well be vomit. It's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. And so is the thought to me returning to these disgusting sins that leave me so miserable.

So what's a simple resolution of mine?

Say no to Mexican food. And the sins in my life that look a lot like Mexican food.


1 comment:

The said...

Some very good thoughts Jordan. But I can't imagine comparing Mexican food to vomit LOL! I will say we have an OVER abundance of Mexican restaurants in this town and I would love to hit up a good Italian place more often, but I am married to a Texan! At least I like Mexican food!