Monday, May 9, 2011

The coon.

A month ago Marty and I came home to a very, very, very interesting surprise. Our laundry room is kind of an extra room added on to the back of our house, it also has the entry to our attic. We haven't finished painting it and getting it all situated yet, so we hardly ever go in there. Just to do laundry.

We got home from eating and Marty went in there for something and a few seconds later I hear, "Hey Jordan... come here." I didn't know what it was, but I knew I didn't want to see it.

One of our ceiling tiles had fallen out. (We have a drop-down ceiling that the people before us put in when they put in central heat & air). Insulation and dirt were everywhere. At the time our city had experienced quite a few earthquakes, but we hadn't felt any at our house, and we didn't think it would have been THAT powerful. Then we looked up and noticed one of the rails that held that tile was very bowed and bent. SOMETHING had been up there. And that something was heavy enough to bend the rail and break the tile. But what???

Last year we had a LONG ordeal with rats. We FINALLY got them (and their smell after they died) OUT of the house and haven't seen a trace since. We knew there was no way this was a rat, though. For one, NO rat is THAT big and two, we've had no traces of rats like last time.

We put the tile back and forgot about it for a few days hoping it would just go away. And it did. For about a week...

Then we found pee in that same room. LOTS of pee. NASTY, brown pee. Pee that smelled SO AWFUL. But we had no idea where it came from, how it got there. We cleaned it up and Marty went and searched the whole house and attic. Still, nothing.

Another week or two went by and then we had LOTS of rain and bad weather. When I say lots of rain and bad weather, I mean the next town over got destroyed by a tornado. Trees all around us were blown over. Houses flooded. It was BAD. I laid down in bed one night and looked up at the ceiling in our bedroom and noticed a huge wet spot. I figured we had gotten some shingles blown off and we had a leak. I told Marty to go check it out. Shingles and roof looked great. Thought that was weird, but we still assumed it was a leak.

And the next day it hit me. Could that be pee???

We got home from work and I asked Marty to go smell the ceiling. I think he thought I was crazy at first, but sure enough. Pee. Dark, brown, thick pee. GREAT!

He searched the attic. We set traps. Nothing.

A few days later, another pee spot. In the laundry room. Bigger, darker, even nastier smelling.

By this point our house smells awful. I'm paranoid. I'm ticked. There's SOMETHING up there. And it's something big. But it's never there, or at least not moving, when we're home. It comes in and plays when the house is silent and vacant, then runs away when we come home.

A few days ago I came home from work and the house was very still and silent and I heard it. It was there. And it sounded like a stinkin MAN in our attic!! Marty had band practice at church so he was going to be an hour late. So I sat on the couch. For an hour. And waited.

He got home and searched the attic and realized he'd need some help. So some friends came over and we had the most interesting raccoon hunting experience EVER.

It took four guys, two guns, and a homemade spear. But by golly, we they got the stupid thing!

The spectators.

The hunters.

The coon.

He's gone. Dead. Over the fence (don't tell). Forever.

Or until next year, when our next wild animal adventure comes.

And yes, we have covered EVERY POSSIBLE ENTRY. She got in through one of our chimneys. Marty fixed that... with two big cinder blocks.  One animal (we think squirrel) began chewing a hole in the siding on the FRONT OF OUR HOUSE yesterday, trying to get in our attic. Marty fixed that... with duct tape.

So if you drive by our house right now you'll see two chimneys with concrete blocks just chilling on top and a very large amount of duct tape on the very front of the house.

Yes, we are THAT family.

We are replacing the siding (and backing with chicken wire) and getting real chimney covers soon. Very soon. Until then, just call us the Clampetts! 


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